Help Wanted

Biochemist needed.  Must also be an expert in chemistry, mathematics, construction, physics, engineering, geology, and especially, Bible.  Must be able to answer the following questions in less than ten minutes, plus other questions as assigned:

What is life?
How do we know something is alive? 
When does it become alive?
When exactly does it die?
How does a cell die? Why?
How long does it take for your blood to get through your body?
Why can you hold your breath for longer than it takes to get all your blood through your body?
What do cells do with oxygen?
How come plants use carbon dioxide in the daytime and oxygen in the nighttime?
What is the difference between a plant and an animal?
Is there such a thing as something that is both a plant and an animal?
How come your blood doesn't get stuck in your feet?
How do they extract DNA?
How do they get it out of the cell?
How do they put new DNA in a cell?
Why isn't your heart in your toes?
What are lung cells made of?
If you have two perfect spheres and you touch them to each other, they are touching at an infinitely small point, right?  But if atoms were square, then they would touch at finite points. Are atoms circles? Spheres?
Is there a mathematical equation that proves it?
If an object is traveling down a road at 5 mph, in order to reverse direction, it will need enough force to go 10 mph, because it has to stop and reverse direction, right?
Plus, for the same problem, is the object actually stopped for one instant?
What keeps electrons spinning around atoms?
How did Einstein figure out that e=mc², and why does it matter that it is?
If lithium is a gas, how do they make batteries out of it?

I'm sure I learned the technical answers to these questions somewhere between tenth grade and my senior year of college.  Someone should have warned me my oldest daughter would be giving me a test twenty-five years later.