I Need One.

If you are old and have the shakes,
If all your bones are full of aches,
If you can hardly walk at all,
If living drives you up the wall;
If you're a grump and full of spite,
If you're a human parasite,
Then what you need is a Wonka-Vite!
Your eyes will shine, your hair will grow,
Your face and skin will start to glow.
Your rotten teeth will all drop out
And in their place new teeth will sprout.
Those rolls of fat around your hips
Will vanish, and your wrinkled lips
Will get so soft and rosy pink
That all the boys will smile and wink
And whisper secretly that this
Is just the girl they want to kiss!
But wait! For that is not the most
Important thing of which to boast.
Good looks you'll have, we've told you so,
But looks aren't everything, you know.
Each pill, as well, to you will give
An extra twenty years to live!
So come, old friends, and do what's right!
Let's make your lives as bright as bright!
Let's take a dose of this delight!
This heavenly magic dynamite!
You can't go wrong, you must go right!
It's Willy Wonka's Wonka-Vite!

~From Charlie and The Great Glass Elevator

(I really don't want that part about the boys wanting to kiss me.  I would be fine with just the fat falling off my hips...)